I'm still having a problem with realistic expectations. Never mind that back in *cough* Jr. High *cough* when I was my most athletic, I couldn't do a pull-up. I'm still disappointed that after 9 weeks, I haven't managed one (even with a band). Never mind, that I weigh 'a bit' more than the fit girls at my gym that have no problem doing pull-ups. And considering that pull-ups are a body weight exercise, I would have to work harder to get that pull-up even if I was as strong as them.
Oh... I think I found my problem.
I love those girls at my gym. But I might be relating to that Jr. High version of myself more than I realized when I first started typing.
I want to be in their cool club. No, they aren't excluding me. In fact, they are very welcoming. And if the cool girls at your gym aren't welcoming, you are at the wrong gym.
But they are strong and fast and smart. All the things I strive to be. They look good in the compression pants. And can wear the short shorts without fear. Even their haphazard pony tails are cute. And they don't turn bright red as they exercise. They perspire. I sweat buckets.
I know I sound crazy. I haven't been in Jr. High in decades. (Yes, with an 's'.) I know not to compare myself with those ladies. But it's so hard to get out of my brain that way. It leads to a bunch of 'ifs'.
If I lost weight, then I'd be stronger.
If I was stronger, I'd be faster.
If I was thinner, stronger and faster, then I'd be happy.
I am happy. I love my life. I have a great husband and wonderful kids. I enjoy my friends. And above all I am blessed and favored by God. And all of that has nothing to do with being thin, strong or fast. So why when I start comparing myself to others, suddenly I don't feel happy.
Somedays all the logic in the world can't talk me out of the slump. I know those women have struggles too. And that the reason they are thinner, stronger and faster than me is because they work hard and have worked hard way longer than me. So by that logic, if I continue to work hard, then I'll be thinner, stronger, and faster. But when I'm in a slump, I don't want to work hard.
It's a cycle. And I could very easily let it get the best of me. I could give up.
I have given up in the past. I know how easy it is to quit. But I wont. I'm going to work on my Jr. High thinking and make my own cool club. And while I don't know that I'll ever stop comparing myself to other people, I'm going to try to remember they are just normal people too with struggles and faults just like me. And that nothing worth working for is easy.
I'm going to be the best me and not a copy of someone else.