It's hard. I'm a big girl. I'd say I'm fat, but people cringe when that word is used. It doesn't make it any less true. But to save your feelings, I'll stick with big.
I'm working on it. But I've been a big girl a really long time. There was a moment in my adult life when I was a size 10. It lasted about a month before I got pregnant. It was the trimmest I'd been since high school, no one was blaming my husband. HA!
Still, my body is rather used to being overweight. I still only ever see myself as overweight. I keep having to tell myself I'm working on it. I am working on it. But dang it takes so much work and it's hard. The exercise is physically hard, but that's not what I'm talking about. I really like the exercise. As you can tell if you've read my blog before, I love Crossfit. But losing weight isn't just about exercise. In fact, it has very little to do with exercise. I think the percentages given are usually 80/20. 80% diet and 20% exercise. Someone, somewhere probably made that number up. But it's true. If you are eating crap it doesn't matter how much you exercise, you aren't going to be fit.
Which is what I'm trying for. I'm not interested in being skinny. I don't want to look like the girl in the magazine. I want to look like an athlete. More over, I want to be an athlete. I don't aspire to the Olympics. But I'd love to be able to play in a pick-up game of soccer or to run a 5k. I want to be strong and have muscles. And I think that takes more work than just losing weight.
To lose weight fast, I could just restrict my calories. I don't do that. I only watch what I eat. I try to eat clean and work-out 4 times a week. And it's enough. I am losing weight. Slowly. So very slowly. And sometimes it just breaks my heart. Since February, I'm down 14 lbs. I know I've put on a lot of muscle. But when I started I was about 80 lbs up. I have way more fat to lose than I have muscle to put on. The scale isn't adjusting accordingly. And it's disappointing.
I still don't plan to count calories. I'm not out to feel restricted or to start a trend of having to worry about every single bite of food that goes into my mouth, even if it is healthy and good for me. If I cut my calories too much it might make the weight just fall off, but I'll lose muscles too. I don't have enough muscles to lose. And if I cut my calories, I'll lose energy. I have three kids. I need every bit of that energy.
So I'll keep working at it. At my super duper slow pace. It's not a sprint, right? I can't come in last if I'm the only one in the race. No matter how slow, I'll be the winner in the end. But man alive, it's disappointing some days not to see the scale move in the right direction.