Pain in the...

(Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. I am not a doctor. If you have back pain (or pain of any kind), go see your doctor.)

I hurt my back last week. I can't exactly pin point what I did. But I have a few things that could lead up to it.

Monday, I'd done ONE BILLION squats and kettlebell swings. Okay. Fine. I'm exaggerating. 100 squats. 106 kettlebell swings. My hamstrings were mad at me for days. And according to Google, tight hamstrings can lead to lower back pain. But my back didn't hurt until...

Enter Thursday, Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (video). My first work-out with those. Not my favorite thing. It's awkward. At least, I'm really awkward at it. And while I know I was careful about my form on the pull, I'm not really sure I was solid getting the weight back to the floor for my tap and go.

It was Thursday evening I noticed my back was sore. And Friday, I skipped Crossfit to rest it.

But I couldn't pass up Saturday. Snatches! (video)

In case you haven't heard, I really really like to lift heavy things. Some people wouldn't consider them as heavy as I do. But it's still loads of fun.

My back was still a little tight. I did what I could to stretch it out. And I started lighter than I might have otherwise. And, drumroll, it didn't hurt at all. AMAZING. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to be able to lift anymore. I didn't even have a twinge at any point in my lifts. WOO!

Then it came time for a cash-out (ie, the work-out after the work-out). It was a run. Casual, on your own kind of thing. I was the only one in my class to do it. I didn't get far. I mean, I hate running to start with. It was kinda why I decided to do it even when no one else was. I want to get better.

But *insert bad words here* it hurt!

Lesson I learned: Even if you are hurt, there are ways to stay active and get fit. It might not be what you are used to or your favorite thing to do. You might have to scale back (in my case no running and lighter weights). But it's not an excuse to give up.

Whole 30: Take Two

So my Whole 30 quickly turned into a Half 30 then went downhill into a, well at least I'm not eating out every other day anymore.

*head shake*

I make the excuse that my diet is better than most people's. I mean all those people that pick the worst foods from all the worst fast food places everyday... I eat better than them. And I don't do dairy (casein intolerance for me and the baby) and very little gluten, so I'm steps ahead of most Americans... right?

It doesn't matter when the scale isn't moving, despite all the new exercising I'm doing.

Oh, I hear ya. But muscle weighs more than fat!

Um, well a pound is a pound. I don't need my son's homeschool kindergarten math book to teach me that. And the fact remains I still have entirely too many pounds to lose to be playing the muscle vs fat card.

Yes, my body is changing shape and I can squeeze into my pre-pregnancy jeans now. So yahoo! (The muffin top is something to behold though.)

But here's the thing, those used to be my fat jeans. And I would like them to be my 'before' jeans. You know the ones where people pose in front of a door and hold their old fat jeans in front of them and take a picture to show how they aren't fat anymore.

So I have some work to do.

Here's the plan. Some ladies from my gym said they started a Whole 30 yesterday. I said I'd restart today. Done and done.

The fine print:
1. I will not allow myself to give one slip or slide as an excuse to blow the whole thing.
2. Eating out is not an excuse to eat bread. (Bread makes you bloated and being bloated makes you feel like you've blown it.)
3. Feeling like I've blown it? refer to #1.

Anyone else want in? I'd love to have someone to complain with. Especially around day 3 when the 'low carb flu' sets in. You have to agree to the rules in the fine print (and the rest of the Whole 30 for that matter). But anything is do able for 30 days!

Get Real

It's important to have realistic expectations.

I don't.

When I stop to listen to myself as I complain to my husband, I realize I'm being ridiculous. But in my head, it makes perfect sense to be disappointed that I might not have improved my 1 rep max clean (how you get the bar off the ground and to your shoulders) in just 10 days.

See, I thought I had only tied my personal record. And when I left the gym, I was sad. Never mind, that it'd only been 10 days. There was a good chance I was going to be pouty at least the rest of the night, if not all the next day as well.

So I started talking out the weight I had on the bar. And come to find out, I had set a PR by 10 lbs. WOO! I perked right up. Best day ever!

And then my husband saw fit to remind me that I needed to have realistic expectations. I mean, only 10 days had gone by. So what if I only tied my personal record. It's 10 lbs. And I still set a personal record doing a jerk (a particular way to lift the bar above your head). But I wasn't even focused on that. I was too busy being pouty.

It's one of those things that happens when people are trying to get fit or lose weight. I know I've been on a weight loss journey all my life, it seems. It doesn't matter that it took me over 9 months to put on all the pregnancy weight. As soon as that baby is out, every mom is wishing they didn't eat all those saltine crackers and gallons of ice cream.

Why can't we just go to sleep one night and wake up in our pre-pregnancy bodies?

No? It doesn't work that way?

I hate having to have realistic expectations.

When a week goes by and I haven't lost any weight, that pizza sure is a lot harder to turn down. After all, I'm not making any progress. Why not? Right?

Oh, because the next week, if I say no and stay strong I might lose 2 lbs? Yeah, it happens. Of course, I've had the week were I thought I did great and gained a pound. Isn't that a kick in the pants when you worked so hard to turn down crap food? Sounds like a box of donuts kind of day.

Not any more.

I'm working on my realistic expectations.

Some days are up and some whole weeks are down. It's not an excuse to blow it anymore.

I'm going to miss that excuse. But I wont miss the yo-yoing or the disappointment in myself.

My goal: To Get Real.

More about Inspiration

So, my post about not feeling very inspiring was, also, inspiring.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments. I was both absolutely touched and completely embarrassed that I'd managed to draw so much attention to myself.

I mean, I know writing a blog that people are going to read it. And I know that by sharing it on my Facebook page that people I know will probably read it. I'm cool with that. I wouldn't put anything on the internet that I didn't want the entire world to know. In fact, I think it would rock if people all over read my blog. It'd be as close as I will ever get to famous.

But at the same time, WOW! I didn't expect such a strong response. You guys are really great. I have an awesome support system.

Yesterday, I finished a 5k. It wasn't a fancy race 5k. It was the up and down my street until my neighbors thought I was crazy 5k. My husband called it my first annual Easter 5k. ... we'll see.

It took me almost an hour. I stopped in the middle to get something to drink and recover a bit. I certainly didn't run the whole time. I wanted to quit... often. I tried to talk myself into quitting.

Ha! I tried to talk myself into quitting. There was a time a few weeks ago when I would have tried to talk myself into starting and wouldn't have bothered. And yesterday, I tried to talk myself into quitting and I didn't. That's a big step. (Of course, the 5k was a big step.)

I didn't quit because I knew all you guys would be behind me, even though you weren't physically there.  

And I didn't quit because I knew I could do it.

I've been doing Crossfit for 8 weeks today. I'm way more in shape than I have been in years. Even when I was 50 lbs lighter, I wouldn't have made the 5k while still breathing. Not once did I have to walk because I was out of breath. I had to walk because my body was tired.

Okay, fine, I'll admit it. I gave into the walking way more than I would have if you all had been there with me. That's why Crossfit is a class. You push a lot harder when someone else is pushing hard too. And when you think you just don't have anything else to give, someone will give you a shout out reminding you that you can do it and not to give up. And then there is some special magic with those words that does manage to give you more strength. I can't explain it. It's something you have to experience.

Sunday Share

Apparently the thing for bloggers to do on the weekend is to share what other bloggers are writing about. It's like a break from blogging or something. I don't really blog enough to need a break. But I have read some things this week I'd like to share.

The House that Stumptuous Built
My favorite quote, "All are welcome in this house that strength built." (But I should warn you that 'grown-up' vocabulary is used."

A Metaphor in Real Time
It's about giving yourself permission to feel negative emotions. And how once you confront them, they go away.

The Best Almond Flour Cinnamon Rolls
I'm not usually down with 'Paleo-fying' food. (If you are going to "cheat", just cheat and call it what it is.) But when you have kids that can't have dairy or gluten, sometimes you do these things for them. I haven't tried these yet, but dang they look tasty.

Inspiration

I mean me?

Who knew.

Apparently all my talk about exercising and getting healthy has struck a cord with a few of my family and friends. That's nice. I like that other people are getting in shape. Although I have to admit, I don't feel very inspiring.

I still mostly see where I fall short. I'm certainly not the fastest or strongest at my gym. In fact, I'm often the slowest and weakest. My choice is to scale enough that I can finish with everyone else or potentially be at the gym all night finishing the work out. I'm not too proud to scale. In fact, I often have to just to be able to do the movements. I see that has a short coming. But I'm told others see the fact that I'm out there working my ass off as inspiration.

I'm about to post a video that a friend took. This video makes me cry.

The first time I watched it, I was horrified. All I saw was the big girl on the row machine. I was embarrassed at how my body looked. My hair is stringy and you can see my rolls under my bra straps. I cried.

I made myself watch it again and again. In fact, this video was taken weeks ago. I've watched it a lot. I still cry. But not for the same reasons.

See, what I didn't see the first time? All those guys sitting around me. They are the fastest and strongest. They do the workout Rx (which means they don't have to scale it down to make it through). Some of them had only ever seen me for the first time that day.

They are cheering for me. They are telling me, I can do it. And giving advice about how to make it through.

They didn't care that I'm not among the elite. Or that I had fat rolls showing. Or the fact that my face is probably beet red from exertion. They only care that I'm doing it. Then I cry because I'm touched. (I'm a cryer. I'm just glad I haven't actually done it at the gym. That'd be embarrassing.)

I remember that WOD. It was a 2k row for time. It's not the kind of WOD that's scalable. But, I actually like to row. I'd watched videos earlier that day to learn techniques to be efficient. I knew going in I was probably going to be the last one finished. We rowed in heats. I was in the last heat. I was nervous because I knew that everyone was going to be finished and they'd all be waiting on me. I knew I was going to be in the spotlight. It made me feel very uncomfortable... before I started. But once I was on the row machine. Honestly, all I could think about was finishing the job.  I remember when the guy on the far side of me sat down next to me started talking me through the last few minutes. I don't remember when David finished and started cheering for me. Or when my Coach showed up with his encouragements. And I had no idea about the group that had gathered behind me to cheer me on. I didn't know about them until I saw the video. And obviously, I had no idea my friend was taking video.

All I could think about at the time was how many more pulls on that rope would get me off the machine. It was hard. I never once thought about giving up. There was a moment where I thought about slowing down. That's when people started cheering around me. The last 100m were the fastest I'd rowed the whole time.

And that's how Crossfit works. That's why it's better as a class. Alone, I might have quit before I made the whole 2k. I certainly would have slowed down. I was last, but no one cared. My form was getting sloppy, but no one judged. And when I finished everyone around me erupted in cheers as if I'd just won a  race.

It might not have been as hard for those guys as it was for me. But it was hard, and I did it.

I'm a stay at home mom to three young kids. Just making time to go to the gym is hard.

Apparently just doing something hard is inspiring. Who knew.

Do Hard Things

One of my favorite blogs is a family blog called 71 Toes. They have nothing to do with Crossfit or weight loss. But they have a family 'rule' (theme?... philosophy) that rings true with me: Do Hard Things. From the moment I first read that, it fit. And I stole it. I use it with my kids. And I apply it to my life. It means take on the challenge and don't give up.

Do Hard Things.

Crossfit (or any exercise routine) would fall into that plan. Making time for it is always a challenge. Then there is the workout itself. Hard sometimes is too light a word.

And I think that's part of why I like it. It's hard. And when I've survived, I can't help but be proud of myself.

On another note: I would have made a hell of a lifter in high school. (I don't even know if my little high school had a lifting team.) But I really like lifting heavy things. And while I'm not a competitor yet, I know with more practice and training, I will be.