Crossfit and Women Athletes

I can't speak for every Crossfit gym across the country, but it seems to me that there is a push for women athletes in Crossfit. Not so much like we need more, although there is a bit of that. But everywhere you look in Crossfit environments, everyone is cheering for the women. I have to say, I'm really proud to be a part of a sport and organization that supports women being strong and athletic.

So many times in athletic competition based settings there are only so many sports where women are 'allowed' to excel, gymnastics for one. But if women excel in a male dominated event, like say NASCAR, they are pretty much written off. Entire leagues created for women's sport are often completely forgotten about. WNBA? Is that a TV station?

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But that's not Crossfit.

Women athletes are talked about with the same idolized awe as the men. There is a specific division where men and women compete side by side on a team.

It's awesome and empowering, even as a woman that would never make it to the Games. I'm so excited to see women seen as athletic and that to be a good thing. For someone to call a woman a 'beast' and mean that she is awesome and strong. And not implying that she's ugly. It's an environment I'm okay with my daughter growing up around.

Every once in a while you'll hear someone call a woman a man. As if only men could be so strong. Men don't have the market cornered on being strong and powerful anymore. Just like women aren't the only people on the planet that can be wimpy and passive. Using anatomy to determine personality and strength is just as insulting as using age or nationality or skin color or any of the many stereotypes that we are working so hard to break down.

It's nice to know that some sports are helping to bring down those walls. And that my kids will be growing up in a world where being strong isn't just a man thing.

I hate running!

My kids get corrected every time they use the word 'hate' when describing things. They obviously don't hate each other. They don't hate school. They might not like each other. And there are certainly times they don't like school. But hate is a word they don't really understand. So I remind them, that they don't hate. They just dislike.

So fine, I dislike running.

I really really really dislike running.

I do it anyway.

If it were up to me, the world would turn just fine without running, but apparently it's good for you.

Meh.

So when a workout comes up that has running in it, I start to negotiate with myself if I really have to go. I mean, I should clean the bathroom. That laundry isn't going to fold itself. And the baby kept me up half the night; I really am too tired.

Hold there. We'll come back to that.

There are so many Crossfit movements I'm not good at... yet. I could list them, but you don't have the time. What's important to note about these movements is there is always a scale down. Pull-ups to using bands with your pull-ups, to jumping pull-ups, to ring rows. Box jumps to smaller boxes, to step ups. Weight can get lighter. Those kinds of things.

You can't scale running. You can go slower. (That's me!) Or you can walk. Walking isn't running. They have their own Olympic event, so it must be true. So when there is a workout that has running. I know I have to run. I still end up walking some, especially if there is a lot of running, but the idea is to run as much as absolutely possible. I wont get better if I slack.

So back to the excuses. Sometimes if I can find a really good one, I'll cling to it. The baby is a sleep. (Never wake a sleeping baby!)

I'll be damned if the next workout doesn't have a longer run... every time.

How do they know?!

And I've used my good excuse, and my rest day, because I didn't own it. So I try not to cherry pick my workouts. Even if it looks horrible and has 200m sprints for time, it's important to stick with it. I can't get better if I don't stick with it.

Not all workouts are going to be my favorites. And if I only do my favorites, I'm never going to get better at the hard stuff. And it will always be the hard stuff.

I suspect there will always be hard stuff. My goal is to make it look easy. When someone tells me, I make a movement look easy, I think that'll be the coolest day ever.

In the meantime, I hate running, but I do it anyway.

Leaps and Bounds

It's crazy to think I've only been doing Crossfit for a little over 5 months. When you say 5 months, it doesn't seem like very long at all. But my memories of it makes it seem like I've been working at it forever. I think it has to do with how quickly you improve as a beginner. There are still things I can't do. Pull-ups, double unders, and box jumps to name a few. But I can do all the lift movements and I'm always getting stronger and faster.

I can run 400m without stopping to walk now. Vast improvement over the girl that barely made it 100m without falling over. I have no intentions of becoming a runner. I just don't care for it. But something I do like is rowing.

This post from back in April is about a row I did in March. It's what cemented my desire to blog more (if a bit sporadically). It's about my first 2k row. I fought every moment of that row. And while I don't remember my exact time I know it was over 11 minutes. Almost 12, if I remember right. I was terrified before starting but felt awesome when I was finished.

Jump forward to this past Tuesday. The 2k row came up again. This was the first work-out since that day in March that the WOD was just the row. I was very excited to give it another shot! I finished in 9:38.

I beat my previous record by 2 minutes. 2 freaking minutes in 5 months! That's how Crossfit works. It takes years to become a truly exceptional Crossfit athlete, but no time at all to be confident and capable. I can go into a Crossfit gym anywhere in the country and not feel nervous. I might have to scale still, but in just 5 months I've come far enough that I know I can hold my own.

2 freaking minutes off my 2k row!

Can I Crossfit at Home?

I get asked that a lot now that I talk endlessly about Crossfit. In a nutshell, yes. Sure. Whatever. Anyone can do body weight exercises anywhere (think: sit-ups, push-ups, burpees, ect.). You can even go out and buy some weights and a bar. Go a step further and you can buy a rack. And then get at it. I HIGHLY suggest taking a class or two to learn proper lifting form. You can really get hurt if you don't know what you are doing. But that doesn't mean you can't do it at home.

But honestly, all that said, my answer is no. No, you can't do Crossfit at home. As I've said many times the reason Crossfit works is the people. I'm not talking HQ. They can sit in their offices and come up with whatever marketing ideas they like. I'm talking about the people at the gym you'd be going to. And the people at the gym I go to. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be interested. Why? Because Crossfit is hard.

It's not peddling a bike that doesn't move, watching the news with subtitles for 30 minutes to an hour.

It's very "You want me to do what?!".

I'm not the kind of person that has the willpower to do hard stuff at home alone. I suspect most people like me aren't. Otherwise we wouldn't be out of shape in the first place. So if you are out of shape and wondering if you can do Crossfit at home. The answer is no. Find a gym. It's worth the cash. And you'll meet some really awesome people.

It's those people that will push you, even if you never talk to them. If you just go and then leave. You'll discover that you work infinitely harder with someone watching than at home alone. But the best part is when they cheer for you.

Note: Not all Crossfit gyms are the same. If you find yourself at a gym and no one is cheering for you, you are at the wrong gym. Luckily, there are a lot of Crossfit affiliates these days. Even if you have to drive 40 minutes out of your way it's worth it.

AMRAP vs For Time

Generally there are two types of Crossfit workout, AMRAP (as many rounds as possible in a given time) or For Time (meaning you are given the amount of rounds and you finished when you finish). I flinch every time I see a For Time WOD (workout of the day).

I've been doing Crossfit for 4 months now. And I'm happy to say, I'm pretty pleased with my progress. I'm not doing the beginner workouts anymore for the most part. There are some movements I just can't do. Pull-ups for one. I can't even get them with a band. It's coming though. I like to think I'll meet my strength going up as my weight goes down. Box jumps is another. I think it's the same problem. As I get lighter my legs will be getting stronger and jumping up will be easier. Then there are double unders. That's just a matter of technique. But that's not really what this blog is meant to be about.

I'm talking about reading the workout and the dread that comes with a For Time WOD.

See, you can scale any workout to fit your level. For Pull-ups, I do ring rows or jumping pull-ups. For box jumps, I do a shorter box. If the listed weight is too heavy, then just go lighter. Every workout can fit every fitness level.

For an AMRAP you are given a specific amount of time to work in. I usually have less rounds finished when time it up than the rest of my class. That doesn't seem to bother me because I know I worked hard. During an AMRAP, I will pick a heavier weight or try for a harder level of a skill I'm not particularly good at. But that's not what I do during a For Time WOD.

A For Time WOD you are given a certain amount of each skill to do and however long it takes it takes. I will scale that workout sometimes too much, because I don't want to end last. There is no shame in being last. I've been last. I've owned last before by just working my ass off just to finish. And if I'm last by only a little bit, my pride is fine. But I'll be damned if I think I'm going to be last by a lot, I'll scale (almost to the point of cheating).

I only cheat myself. I've talked about cheating before and being last. It's something I think about a lot. No one else in my gym thinks twice about me coming in last. No one would ever say anything negative to anyone finishing last. It's not that kind of place. In fact, the person finishing last gets the most support because by then there are people recovered enough to cheer you on.

When it happens to me, I'm embarrassed. I'm just not ready to have that much attention drawn to me. Maybe no one is. I've never asked anyone else.

Where am I going with this? I have no idea. I just needed to get that bit out there. Thanks.

Summer Slacker Blues

I love Summer! I've never met anyone that doesn't. Sun is wonderful. And since the invention of A/C the heat is always manageable. But there is something about summer that just makes you want to laze around and forget all the things you are supposed to be doing. Why is that?

So after my family recovered from our summer colds two weeks ago. We were already in the laze around habit. Comfort foods (although kept within a form of reason) and sitting on our rears had taken a pretty big hold. It doesn't take much to slip back into old habits.

Come to find out we aren't the only ones with this affliction. After going back to the gym yesterday (for the first time in a week), it seems quite a few people have been missing.

Have we all started to slip away with the last of the New Year's Resolution hangers on?

Is it just a Summer Slacker thing?

Who knows. But it does seem to have us all in a bit of a funk. A funk with slightly tighter clothes.

I firmly believe that weight loss is mostly related to diet. But exercise can be 100% reflected in mood improvement.

It's just a matter of getting back at it.

This week is shaping up to be a fun one. I don't love all the movements used in Crossfit. I haven't met anyone that does. But everyone has favorites. And so far, the schedule has included mine.

So if you are doing a program that you are starting to find tedious, or you've been running but now it's getting too hot outside and your are having to resort to a treadmill and don't care for it, I suggest Crossfit. It's something different everyday.

If you aren't exercising. You should. It'll change your life.

Double Unders!

I was good at jumping rope when I was little. I could out jump most kids in my class. I never managed most of the really cool tricks. But I had a few that were impressive to the other 10 year olds at the playground. Fast forward 20+ years... well, let's just say it's been a while. It didn't take long to get the skipping down again. Like a bicycle, I suppose.

But Double Unders are a beast of their own. It's a completely different rhythm that even some of the elite at our gym struggle with. It's a matter of speed and timing. And when you miss, those wire speed ropes are not forgiving! It makes it so that you have to really want it to even try.

So I'm not really sure what I was thinking when during my 90 rep single skips, I decided to try a double under. But I got it!

Woo! I totally shouted to everyone that I got my first double under!

And no one heard me. The music was up too loud and they were all busy.

Photo credit: Reba

So I tried again. And I got another! I was so freaking excited.

And tired. I only managed the two.

I totally told everyone at the gym after the work out. And by everyone, I mean everyone! I was even caught in action bragging about my accomplishment.

After I got home, I felt a bit like a nerd about telling everyone. It didn't stop me from Facebooking about it. ... Or blogging about it.

Sometimes, it's the little things that make Crossfit so great. There wasn't one person I told that wasn't excited for me.

It feels good to accomplish something new and difficult. And it's very validating when you see your hard work pay off.

Next time, I'll get 3. ;)

I've never been so glad to finish!

Earlier this week, I had a work-out that was designed to kill me. Alright, I'm exaggerating. But it was crazy tough and chalk full of movements I stink at. Run, dumbbell snatches, toes to bar, and more running. I'm, by far, the slowest runner. I've never done a dumbbell snatch. And I can barely hang on a pull-up bar, much less get my toes to touch it. Every one of those skills are ones I need a lot of work in.

Instead of going in a bit defeated, I was open to practice. After all, no one gets better at anything without practice.

I still dreaded the runs.  I'm not a runner. I hate running. I would like to magically be better at running. I have very little desire to work to run better. But there is no way out of it if I want to get better. So I did it. I did not enjoy it. But I managed.

It was my first time doing dumbbell snatches. Like any newbie, I watched a video about it before going to the gym. I like to be prepared. And I killed it, thank you very much. I really like lifting weight above my head. I don't know what it is, but it is really cool. It was the redeeming part of the work-out for me.

The toes to bar scale down to knee raises for me. It's still plenty hard at my level. And I can't do but more than a few at a time. I could probably do more if it didn't hurt my hands so much. I don't have Crossfit calluses, yet. But after that work-out, I started getting closer. To anyone that isn't a Crossfitter this next bit might sound gross, but Crossfitters will get it. ... Someday I hope to have some calluses. I'll be bragging that day!

Then the big finish was another run. I think my coach hates me.

Okay, so it isn't personal. But I really am the slowest person at our gym. And it's hot. And whine/complain some more. Did I mention I hate running?

But I did it. And I finished Dead Last.

But oh, I was so glad to be finished! I worked hard for every second for that time!

Dead Last

I happens to everyone at some point. It happens to me a lot. My goal in a work-out is to not be last. It seems like a reasonable goal. Most of the time I have to scale to make that happen. Sometimes I have to scale and I still finish last.

Finishing last gets old. But at the same time, I don't particularly mind. After all, it isn't a race. I'm not competing with anyone at the gym. My only competition is myself.

I read this article today: Crossfit 101: Don’t cheat on burpees

I could have written that article. I've actually been thinking about that for days. I was amazed at the coincidence  that someone else was at the exact same place as me when considering scaling. I've been doing Crossfit for just over 3 months now. Going from inactive and pregnant to athlete isn't going to happen in just 3 months. So it's perfectly reasonable to scale. Everyone would agree with that logic.

But at what point does scaling become cheating?

I don't have a clear answer. I only know that if I don't leave everything I have at the gym, I feel like I've cheated.

Sometimes after a work-out if I feel like I could keep going, I'm disappointed. Obviously I didn't work hard enough. I've gotten to where I take it in stride. If that's the case, then I know for sure next time I shouldn't scale quite so much.

Sometimes after a work-out if I feel like I could keep going, I feel dumb. Because I knew when I started I wasn't doing as much as I can. Those work-outs always involve a movement (or movements) that I'm not good at. I don't know anyone that likes to do things they aren't good at. And I've wondered lately if I've been using my need to scale as an excuse to slack on those movements.

It wasn't so much wondering, as realizing what I was doing. When I started, I was scaling because I couldn't do the movements in a reasonable time. Three months later, I'm leaps and bounds stronger and more capable, but I'm still scaling the same.

My biggest excuse: I don't want to finish last.

Gave up that excuse at the beginning of the week.

Wow, Crossfit has kicked my ass this week!

And I've finished last Thursday. I fought for every second of that time! I finished pretty damn proud of myself.

Friday, I had my turn to kick some ass. I didn't manage the WOD Rx (work-out of the day as prescribed (without scaling)). But I did it at the higher level. And I managed to do one of the skills unbroken (meaning without rest) at a higher weight than I've used before. Which is a great accomplishment.

From now on, my new rule for myself will be not to scale just to not finish last. If I don't want to finish last, then I just need to work harder. And if I do finish last, I'm going to make sure that I've worked hard enough that I'm proud of finishing last.

Because finishing last is better than not finishing at all.

A Bonus to Being the New Girl

There is a bonus to being the new girl (or guy) at your gym. So if you are worried about drawing attention to yourself, don't. As I've posted about before here, even the biggest people at the gym have a role to play. They inspire as much, if not more, than the super athletic types, because they are very obviously putting it all on the line. The same is true for all new people.

And that's the bonus, the super athletic types see that and give you tons of encouragement. Not the 'bro' kind that sounds like, "Hey, Slacker, you can do more than that!" (Always said in the friendly teasing way, at a good gym.) But the "You are doing awesome! Keep it up!"

That's the bonus to being new. You don't get teased. And while there is something to being there long enough to get to the teasing stage. It's really nice to have the heartfelt encouragement that comes with being new. Maybe that's what keeps people coming back. It certainly doesn't hurt my feelings for people to tell me how great I am.

After the first few times, I actually started to believe them.

So if you are ever feeling down about yourself or feel insecure. Get yourself to the nearest Crossfit box. It can turn a bad day around.

I'm still not the strongest or fastest. But I'll be damned if I don't feel like it by the time I leave.

No Crossfit near you? Join any class. Spin, Zumba, Jazzercise, whatever. Exercising on your own is great and healthy. But there is something about suffering with others that just makes it so much better. And no one cares what shape you are in, and if they do, find a better class. There is a fit for you somewhere.

The encouragement you get from working hard and doing something for yourself is better than any end of day glass of wine or whatever you use to come to terms with your stressful day.

After all, you are awesome. Isn't it time everyone started telling you so?

Pain in the...

(Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. I am not a doctor. If you have back pain (or pain of any kind), go see your doctor.)

I hurt my back last week. I can't exactly pin point what I did. But I have a few things that could lead up to it.

Monday, I'd done ONE BILLION squats and kettlebell swings. Okay. Fine. I'm exaggerating. 100 squats. 106 kettlebell swings. My hamstrings were mad at me for days. And according to Google, tight hamstrings can lead to lower back pain. But my back didn't hurt until...

Enter Thursday, Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (video). My first work-out with those. Not my favorite thing. It's awkward. At least, I'm really awkward at it. And while I know I was careful about my form on the pull, I'm not really sure I was solid getting the weight back to the floor for my tap and go.

It was Thursday evening I noticed my back was sore. And Friday, I skipped Crossfit to rest it.

But I couldn't pass up Saturday. Snatches! (video)

In case you haven't heard, I really really like to lift heavy things. Some people wouldn't consider them as heavy as I do. But it's still loads of fun.

My back was still a little tight. I did what I could to stretch it out. And I started lighter than I might have otherwise. And, drumroll, it didn't hurt at all. AMAZING. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to be able to lift anymore. I didn't even have a twinge at any point in my lifts. WOO!

Then it came time for a cash-out (ie, the work-out after the work-out). It was a run. Casual, on your own kind of thing. I was the only one in my class to do it. I didn't get far. I mean, I hate running to start with. It was kinda why I decided to do it even when no one else was. I want to get better.

But *insert bad words here* it hurt!

Lesson I learned: Even if you are hurt, there are ways to stay active and get fit. It might not be what you are used to or your favorite thing to do. You might have to scale back (in my case no running and lighter weights). But it's not an excuse to give up.

More about Inspiration

So, my post about not feeling very inspiring was, also, inspiring.

Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments. I was both absolutely touched and completely embarrassed that I'd managed to draw so much attention to myself.

I mean, I know writing a blog that people are going to read it. And I know that by sharing it on my Facebook page that people I know will probably read it. I'm cool with that. I wouldn't put anything on the internet that I didn't want the entire world to know. In fact, I think it would rock if people all over read my blog. It'd be as close as I will ever get to famous.

But at the same time, WOW! I didn't expect such a strong response. You guys are really great. I have an awesome support system.

Yesterday, I finished a 5k. It wasn't a fancy race 5k. It was the up and down my street until my neighbors thought I was crazy 5k. My husband called it my first annual Easter 5k. ... we'll see.

It took me almost an hour. I stopped in the middle to get something to drink and recover a bit. I certainly didn't run the whole time. I wanted to quit... often. I tried to talk myself into quitting.

Ha! I tried to talk myself into quitting. There was a time a few weeks ago when I would have tried to talk myself into starting and wouldn't have bothered. And yesterday, I tried to talk myself into quitting and I didn't. That's a big step. (Of course, the 5k was a big step.)

I didn't quit because I knew all you guys would be behind me, even though you weren't physically there.  

And I didn't quit because I knew I could do it.

I've been doing Crossfit for 8 weeks today. I'm way more in shape than I have been in years. Even when I was 50 lbs lighter, I wouldn't have made the 5k while still breathing. Not once did I have to walk because I was out of breath. I had to walk because my body was tired.

Okay, fine, I'll admit it. I gave into the walking way more than I would have if you all had been there with me. That's why Crossfit is a class. You push a lot harder when someone else is pushing hard too. And when you think you just don't have anything else to give, someone will give you a shout out reminding you that you can do it and not to give up. And then there is some special magic with those words that does manage to give you more strength. I can't explain it. It's something you have to experience.

Inspiration

I mean me?

Who knew.

Apparently all my talk about exercising and getting healthy has struck a cord with a few of my family and friends. That's nice. I like that other people are getting in shape. Although I have to admit, I don't feel very inspiring.

I still mostly see where I fall short. I'm certainly not the fastest or strongest at my gym. In fact, I'm often the slowest and weakest. My choice is to scale enough that I can finish with everyone else or potentially be at the gym all night finishing the work out. I'm not too proud to scale. In fact, I often have to just to be able to do the movements. I see that has a short coming. But I'm told others see the fact that I'm out there working my ass off as inspiration.

I'm about to post a video that a friend took. This video makes me cry.

The first time I watched it, I was horrified. All I saw was the big girl on the row machine. I was embarrassed at how my body looked. My hair is stringy and you can see my rolls under my bra straps. I cried.

I made myself watch it again and again. In fact, this video was taken weeks ago. I've watched it a lot. I still cry. But not for the same reasons.

See, what I didn't see the first time? All those guys sitting around me. They are the fastest and strongest. They do the workout Rx (which means they don't have to scale it down to make it through). Some of them had only ever seen me for the first time that day.

They are cheering for me. They are telling me, I can do it. And giving advice about how to make it through.

They didn't care that I'm not among the elite. Or that I had fat rolls showing. Or the fact that my face is probably beet red from exertion. They only care that I'm doing it. Then I cry because I'm touched. (I'm a cryer. I'm just glad I haven't actually done it at the gym. That'd be embarrassing.)

I remember that WOD. It was a 2k row for time. It's not the kind of WOD that's scalable. But, I actually like to row. I'd watched videos earlier that day to learn techniques to be efficient. I knew going in I was probably going to be the last one finished. We rowed in heats. I was in the last heat. I was nervous because I knew that everyone was going to be finished and they'd all be waiting on me. I knew I was going to be in the spotlight. It made me feel very uncomfortable... before I started. But once I was on the row machine. Honestly, all I could think about was finishing the job.  I remember when the guy on the far side of me sat down next to me started talking me through the last few minutes. I don't remember when David finished and started cheering for me. Or when my Coach showed up with his encouragements. And I had no idea about the group that had gathered behind me to cheer me on. I didn't know about them until I saw the video. And obviously, I had no idea my friend was taking video.

All I could think about at the time was how many more pulls on that rope would get me off the machine. It was hard. I never once thought about giving up. There was a moment where I thought about slowing down. That's when people started cheering around me. The last 100m were the fastest I'd rowed the whole time.

And that's how Crossfit works. That's why it's better as a class. Alone, I might have quit before I made the whole 2k. I certainly would have slowed down. I was last, but no one cared. My form was getting sloppy, but no one judged. And when I finished everyone around me erupted in cheers as if I'd just won a  race.

It might not have been as hard for those guys as it was for me. But it was hard, and I did it.

I'm a stay at home mom to three young kids. Just making time to go to the gym is hard.

Apparently just doing something hard is inspiring. Who knew.

Do Hard Things

One of my favorite blogs is a family blog called 71 Toes. They have nothing to do with Crossfit or weight loss. But they have a family 'rule' (theme?... philosophy) that rings true with me: Do Hard Things. From the moment I first read that, it fit. And I stole it. I use it with my kids. And I apply it to my life. It means take on the challenge and don't give up.

Do Hard Things.

Crossfit (or any exercise routine) would fall into that plan. Making time for it is always a challenge. Then there is the workout itself. Hard sometimes is too light a word.

And I think that's part of why I like it. It's hard. And when I've survived, I can't help but be proud of myself.

On another note: I would have made a hell of a lifter in high school. (I don't even know if my little high school had a lifting team.) But I really like lifting heavy things. And while I'm not a competitor yet, I know with more practice and training, I will be.

Lesson Learned: No breaks

Last week was busy. And by busy, I mean, I started reading the Hunger Games. I gave in and decided to find out what it was all about. So between parenting and reading, I didn't really make much time for anything else. You would think with a schedule like that, I'd manage to squeeze in some cleaning, considering we had guests coming Saturday. But I didn't. In the end, my husband saved the day there. He's a good man.

It didn't help that my fourth month old baby was having a nurse-athon. And was seriously moody. So between the book, the big kids, and the baby I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I might should have dropped the book. But it's like a movie. I can't quit reading once I start, I need to know what's going to happen.

What I ended up dropping was Crossfit. Wednesday is my rest day. Tuesday night was when I started the first book. I powered through it and started book 2 Wednesday night. Thursday rolled around, time for Crossfit... except by then I was overwhelmed. I wasn't accomplishing what I wanted to around the house, half because of the kids, half because of my personal choices. It made me funky. And in the end, I told my husband, I just didn't want to go. I don't remember, but there was a good chance the WOD including running. That would make talking myself out of going a lot easier.

Where is all this going?

Fast forward to Monday. (Because if you've read this far, I should get to my point.) I went back to Crossfit. And O.M.G. I hurt today. Granted yesterday's WOD started with a Warm-up that was more accurately called the Work-Out before the Work-Out.

Now, if I'd been a good girl and hadn't take 5 days off, it would have still been hard, but it wouldn't have been the near death experience it was. (And continues to be because my muscles are really mad at me.) I wouldn't have been gasping for air and having to shake out my limbs after every round. Today, I feel like I've never done a squat before. Tomorrow threatens more due to delayed onset muscle soreness. Something I never even knew about before Crossfit, but have a close personal relationship with now.

And yet, I'm going back tonight. I don't know how I managed to talk myself out of it last week. As much as it sucks at the time, I love it. It's hard to explain. I'm not even sure I really could, but any other person that goes to Crossfit knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Never Give Up, Never Surrender

Today I did something I'm not proud of. I talked myself out of something before I even gave it a chance.

The Cash Out (the after work-out work-out) at Crossfit was a mile run. I don't run. I don't jog. I don't even walk fast if I can help it. It's not my thing. I've started the Couch to 5k program a handful of times over the years. I think at my best, I had a 12 minute mile. If you don't know, that's really really slow. Fit people walk faster than that.

I knew this was the Cash Out before I went. I'd already decided I'd bail on it if given the chance. I honestly had no plans to run a mile. And besides, half the time class runs late and the Cash Out gets blown over.

Not today. Today everyone lined up outside the box and off we went.

I failed before I started. I already had planned not to do it. But I started because everyone else did. I really did try to run as long as I could before I broke down to a walk. The whole time, though, I was telling myself how much I hate running and that I would never make it a mile.

You probably aren't surprised to find out, I didn't make it a mile.

And the moment I went back inside, saying "I didn't have it in me." I felt like an ass.

I gave up.

I didn't give it my all.

And if I didn't feel so lame already, I would have walked back out of that building and if I had to I should have walked my tired butt around that building until I had my mile. But pride wouldn't let me. I had already given my, "I didn't have it in me." story. I felt if I didn't stick with it, then I'd be an even bigger ass.

It was all a bunch of complicated mental nonsense. I talked myself out of doing my best. And man, am I disappointed.

No one else was disappointed in me. My Crossfit Affiliate is awesome. Everyone is so supportive. I'm a beginner. They know that, and the fact that I show up and give it a try gives me a lot of credit right now. I took advantage of that trust with my "I didn't have it in me." nonsense. Even now, I'd probably be told I'm being too hard on myself.

And I am.

But I'm writing this to remind myself later how lame I feel. I don't want to feel this way again. When I leave that box I want to feel like I left everything I have.

Next time I'll walk if I have to. Whatever it takes to do the tasks assigned to me. I might have scale down to the smallest possible action, but I wont give up again.

Back on the Wagon

Almost a year later. And I'm back at it. Monday I started at my local Crossfit box. I had my first Private Training. Part of me wonders if I'll remember any of it. Tuesday, I had my first class. I was a bit lucky because the WOD didn't require a skill. It was medicine ball slams with a 20m run. I gave it all I had. Wednesday was my rest day. And today I'll be back at it again with my second PT, I think. I need to talk to my coach. If I make it through this with 'Mommy brain', I'll be able to do anything in life. Let me tell you, the medicine ball slams were a ladder, I think I was 12 three times, but I'm not sure I did 13, so it kinda evens out.

This is a quick update. Stay tuned for my thoughts on Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness and a potential blog about the Survival of a Nursing Crossfitter (And why there is a local food storage).

SINS Body Transformation Blog Challange

Adam at PracticalPaleolithic.com posted up the outline for Strong is the New Skinny's Body Transformation Challange. (See here)

Wow that is a mouth full to say.

I'm not sure how committed I am to blogging this. I'd like to think since it is a challenge that I'm going to be gung ho. It's always easy to be gung ho in the beginning.

But over the holidays I regained all the weight I worked so hard to lose last year. (read 20 lbs!) Dang! That sucks. How'd I even manage that?! It took ALL FREAKING YEAR to stick to it enough to lose that weight. And from November until today, I managed to put it all back on. Needless to say I have very little to wear, as I purge fat clothes as I shrink out of them.

So here I am.

189.4 lbs
5'3"
size 14 (cough *16*)

I'm not ready to post a before picture. I cringe at looking at a before picture.

But I'll take one. I'll get the hubby to do one of those horrid sports bra too small shorts shots in front of a door. That seems to be the fad for before pictures.


<3 Katie